We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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