I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
