You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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