Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
