Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
