just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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