This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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