I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
