They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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