Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
