I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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