piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
