I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he fucked my hip out of place.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
