brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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