I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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