I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
