She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize