the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
