I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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