It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
