Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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