let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
