then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
