We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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