So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
