well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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