I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
