at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
