you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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