Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
