Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
