I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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