Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
