Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
