therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
