he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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