Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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