how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
