Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
