I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
