I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
