her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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