i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
