East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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