my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
