I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
