We need to rekindle our bromance
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
