I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
