I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
