Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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