my phone needs a breathalizer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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