New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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