tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
