you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
