Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
