one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
