You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you inspire me to be a worse person
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
