so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
