Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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