The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
