Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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